Don't be a scapegoat

I used to be an active girl and a clever student, especially in English. I am not bragging, but if I had to say, I was the best among my classmates in English.

I still remember the words of my classmate Hiba, who said: "Doaa I want to speak English as good as you do, and one day you will see it, I assure you that one day I will study in English."

When I was still in the first stage of baccalaureat, l was hated by some of the other students for speaking or using English phrases.

In my school days I was so active, energetic, funny, fashionable and sporty. The school staff used to love the photos I captured. In the free class our teacher used to ask everyone the below question: “what would you like to be when you grow up?”

There would be beautiful and ambitious answers from the active girls. I listened to their big dreams and smiled saying, ‘’God’s Will.”

And then it was my turn, I answered:

“I would like to be a journalist or a presenter on T.V. To fulfill this dream I am learning the English Language from T.V. and by watching foreign movies. I think that a presenter or journalist should speak fluent English. And my thinking to be fluent is a big motivation for me.”

The words of my teacher are still in my mind. She told to me, “You will definitely become something as long as you’re ambitious.”

The second stage of baccalaureate was important to pass; we needed to pass this difficult level with a good average to get into the best University for further education. Me and my sister Assra, were both studying in the same stage. I passed this stage successfully, but unfortunately Assra failed.

I had mixed feelings; I was happy as well as sad. I didn’t reveal my happiness in front of her. I celebrated by listening to an old classic song about success by Abdellhalim Hafid, which I honestly enjoyed a lot.

Now it was time to achieve my most awaited dream. To my surprise there were many objections by my family, especially my brother. He told my father that, it is not suitable for a girl to study so far away from home, as the college I wanted to apply for was based in the capital town. I knew he was just finding excuses to stop me from achieving my goals.

My brother succeeded in convincing my father; obviously they both had a male union. My father gave me unacceptable and unworthy reasons and asked me to accept the truth and happily deal with the situation. I was left with no choice but to apply in the University in my province.

I was accepted in that university and coincidentally in the English department. But my first few days were very hard to overcome. I used to cry alone some nights and no one cared. When you are not satisfied with situations you need to deal with; it becomes very difficult. Those feelings were very painful and killing. I lately realized that no one else can endure the pain within you. Only you can stand up for yourself and you must take a stand for your own decisions.

I also realized the problems that come in our way are not the stop signs. They are the guidelines. Hence I started to accept the truth and improve myself anyway, which no one can change. I would only say that you must know yourself thoroughly and find out what you lack to gradually work on it. You will surely overcome all the obstacles towards your dream.

Being an active and intelligent student, I managed to score good points in my studies. I took part in many activities in the college sports and cultural weeks. Also, I got the best presenter award during cultural week. Words cannot describe my feelings then, because I acted as the presenter of the ceremony. I was living my dream. It was the first time I stood up on a platform. Everything in college was cool - from the professors, students, dean of the college, and the audiences. They gifted me unforgettable moments and awesome experiences.

I improved and thrived within myself especially in the last two years of my study. I pushed myself to move forward and to not to be a scapegoat in my bad circumstances. Therefore, I focused only on one thing, and that was to be one of the top three students of the class. Yes, I did it; I was in top three in second, third, and fourth stages with a good evaluation. I am very happy for what I have achieved.

It seems to me like it was just yesterday. Although I still avoid talking about that dream. Maybe a part of me was lost in that pink dream. Whenever I remember it my heart beats fast.

Once I ran into one of my classmates Hiba who said she wanted to read, write, and speak English like me. I was very happy to see her as we were both in our third stage of college. When I saw her coming towards me, I stepped up to salute and hug her and said, “Hello Hiba, it’s me.” But it’s as if she acted like she never knew me before. And she continued on her way. Unfortunately our sick society suffers from something called "privilege and favoritism”.

After that I never asked her why she acted as though she did not know me. My sister is studying Law now, and she is in her final year.

And now the lesson l learned from this experience:

This is your life, and it's been waiting for you to discover it. Up until now you may have been thinking that life is hard and a big struggle. And so by the law of attraction you will have experienced life is hard and a struggle. Beginning right now shout to the Universe “life is so easy! Life is so good! All good things come to me!"

And so may it be.

MEET THE WRITER

Doaa Sharrad is a dreamer girl comes from the lraq cradle of civilization. Her nickname is dodo or Tanneert. She lives in a very conservative family, which is challenging though she manages to achieve and improve herself and her community. Her biggest dream was to be a journalist but for some special reasons she couldn't. Therefore, her passion for writing increased, and she has now strong motivation to write. She graduated 2 years ago from department of translation (English). She also loves: writing, traveling, and reading and is a good listener too.