Let’s be real – most of the time you have sex or self-pleasure because it feels good. Or you avoid it because it doesn’t. Either way, pleasure is what you’re seeking and that’s a good thing.
Pleasure is powerful.
It helps you de-stress, live in the moment, and appreciate the good things in life—all things that make you feel happier!
On top of that, pleasure is behind most decisions you make about sex. Your answer to, “Will it feel good?” determines if you have sex, if you use a condom, and if you tell your partner to move a little to the left. Or, if your fears that doing so will ruin the moment, make things awkward, or cut down on sensation might keep you from doing them.
The truth is: sex isn’t always pleasurable.
Sometimes it hurts. Or it gets boring. Or you aren’t having the orgasm that you want. That’s totally normal and expected, but obviously not what you’re going for. And you’re ready for sex to feel amazing (again).
Four Ways to Make Sex More Pleasurable
If sex or self-pleasure has gotten boring or was never really fun to begin with, here are four easy steps to make it more pleasurable.
Use lube. It enhances sensation so you feel every stroke, press, and lick more intensely. TBH I didn’t think it would make much of a difference (stubborn Aries here) but I still remember the first time I used it. I’m talking explosive romance novel-levels of pleasure!
Lube is especially important if you get dry during sex. Despite what you’ve been told, aroused doesn’t always equal wet. Certain meds, taking a warm bath or shower, or skipping foreplay, can be the culprit. Lube also keeps you safe: less friction means less worry about condoms breaking or scratches happening.
Fantasize. Fantasies are the perfect place to explore, play, and experiment. Because they aren’t real, anything goes! You might be super shy IRL but love the thought of getting it on in public. Or you’re truly madly deeply in love with your sweetie but enjoy meeting a sexy stranger in your dreams. You might get an idea for something you do want to try! Fantasies are also great if you get distracted during sex—they give you something sexy to focus all that mental energy on.
Take the time to learn what you like (and don’t). Knowing what turns you on and gets you off helps decrease shame and nervousness during sex. So you can enjoy it more! Plus you now have an answer to the sexiest question of all, “What do you want me to do?” *swoons*
Try self-pleasuring, watching porn, or reading erotica. What parts of your body are most sensitive? How do they like to be touched? What scenes give you that flushed and breathless feeling?
Try new things. Challenge and novelty are two keys to happiness. But in the context of sex they can be hella awkward. Starting with the fact that you have to talk to your partner about it. Once you get past that, you might need to do some research (which parts of my body are safe to spank?) and then actually try it! *gulp*
These very obstacles are what make it worth it and up your happiness level! Plus, you can use what you from your fantasies and your body to make a list of sexy activities to try.
Sex can be fun (again).
Sex is guaranteed to make you happy—but it’s gotta feel good to work its magic. With these four tips, you’re on your way to a happier and more pleasurable sex life.
For more ideas to have the intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life you desire, check out PassionbyKait.com.
Kait Scalisi, MPH wants to live in a world where every woman has the intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life they desire. As a sex & relationship coach, she leads workshops and trainings throughout the US and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Elle, Teen Vogue, and Brides. When she’s not reading, writing, or teaching about pleasure and intimacy, you can find her having epic dance parties in her living room, wandering NYC with a latte in hand, or fangirling over her favorite TV shows (like Dr. Who).
Discover how to have better sex and a stronger relationship at PassionbyKait.com.