For far too long, women have been pushed, prodded, and trained to think, feel and act in certain ways - especially when it comes to giving and getting love.
Valentine’s Day is the #1 moneymaker for flower, card & chocolate companies, and the single most dreaded day for single – and even taken - women everywhere. We also don’t know many men who love the forcefully romantic and expectation filled holiday.
We’re all sick and tired of the V-Day misery, anxiety, and stress and it needs to be put to rest already!
There are so many glorious things about love, so how did Valentine's day become SO globally dreaded? It's up to us to change the way we think about love.
Here are 10 powerful thoughts you need to start thinking about love - no matter what size your drink, or your bouquet, on the V-Day.
1. You are literally the most important person ever
We’re not saying this to butter you up. We’re just saying that when it comes to love, YOU must come first. This is hands down the most crucial step that we seem to be missing in this crazy game of love.
As women, we tend to nurture others so much so that we don’t always, or ever, care for ourselves. While giving is great, we can only give what we have. If we don’t give any love to ourselves, we won’t have any to give away to others, and it will get increasingly difficult to find happiness within ourselves, let alone with another human being.
TAKEAWAY: First priority: YOU. Do something good for yourself. Read, write, exercise, treat yourself, LOVE yourself.
2. Being obsessed with finding a boyfriend is useless.
When you put so much focus on finding love, you tend to miss it completely. They say things happen when you least expect them, and this couldn’t be more true. It’s not about a search for true love, or finding today’s Tinder Tiger. It’s about being content and loving yourself, so that when you do come across the chance to love, you will be open, confident and secure within yourself.
TAKEAWAY: Stop searching for love and start searching for you. Once you do that, you'll be surprised by the opportunities that open.
3. None of this is your fault.
As women, we were trained to think about love in one way. Damsel. Distress. Hero. Happy. It started with Disney and it’s continued in the majority of media to this day. While we heart Disney with all our heart, our brains were trained for us to believe we need, and to desire a hero – because “with a hero comes our happiness.”
You didn’t even realize it happened, but it did. A child's brain intakes EVERYTHING in a subconscious stream from ages 2 - 6. What age did you start watching Disney movies on repeat?
The good news is we can untrain our brains, so long as we’re aware of the issue in the first place. And now you are, so do something about it.
TAKEAWAY: It’s time to freeze out the heroes and LET IT GO. Understand that the only person who can save this damsel, is this damsel.
4. Love is different for every single human.
Love is impossible to define. This powerful 4 letter word encompasses bajillions of completely different interpretations and ideas about what it means. And that's okay. We’re alike because we ALL want, need, and deserve love - but that doesn’t mean the same thing for any of us.
You think of diamonds, we think of chocolate cake. It's all cool. The problem lies when we start comparing ourselves to others and make ourselves feel bad - even though we’re all looking for different things anyway.
TAKEAWAY: The key is not to compare your love to anyone else’s- but to create your own definition of what you call love.
5. Love is not taught; Love is FELT.
Love is impossible to define because it’s everything and nothing all at the same time. Love exists in every shape, color, or size; between people and places and things; as tastes, sights, and sounds. Love moves you and stops you. Loves shakes you and breaks you. It's a song, a breeze, a ripple of feeling. Love is a sense that exists within you, so long as you are open to it.
TAKEAWAY: Love is YOU and what you make of it. If you find ways to feel love within yourself and to have an open heart & mind, you will have a better idea of what love feels like for you.
6. What you give is what you get.
Love between 2 people can be simple or complicated, and on a basic level, it’s all based on you. If you’re simple, it’s simple. If you’re complicated, it’s complicated. If you’re dramatic, expect drama, and it works the same for insecurity, fear, dishonesty and so on. What you give, you tend to get.
TAKEAWAY: This is why it’s SO IMPORTANT to focus on yourself first. Once you’re able to find happiness within yourself, you become independent, secure, and confident in who you are, and what you want - and it shows.
7. Everyone is f*cking scared.
The number one rule in love club that no one ever talks about. It’s completely normal to feel scared or insecure when it comes to love. We’ve all been hurt; we all fear being hurt again, and we all have issues because of it. Meshing your life with someone else’s is NOT easy, and opening your boom boom room to a used-to-be-stranger is pretty strange. We all have the fear, and we must be understanding, honest, and open about it.
TAKEAWAY: We all feel scared and it comes out in different ways. If you can’t be honest with yourself about it, how can you be honest with someone else?
8. Love is the largest experience in life.
Just like life, love is about the journey, not the destination. It’s constantly moving and shaking; changing with every new moment we choose to savor. Love is like all other experiences, where choosing to say yes is the only way you will truly experience it.
It doesn’t mean you won’t get hurt or feel pain – that’s also part of life. However, love is meant to be lived and felt with every string of your heart. Play it too safe and you’ll be stuck in a box of fear with no moments of love, and no clue why.
TAKEAWAY: Take a baby step out of your box and do an act of love, show love, open yourself to love. It will be worth it for the largest experience in life.
9. Be thankful for the love that surrounds you now.
Humans are amazing creatures and we have the capacity for feeling love in the most tender of ways. If you need example, just watch this amazing video. However, it’s important to remember that not everyone knows love. Many humans may not be as lucky as you, and didn’t get the chance to grow up in a loving environment. They may not have been hugged, or supported, or the word 'love' may make fill them with discomfort - because that's what they know.
TAKEAWAY: For those of you who have grown up in a loving home, be grateful – because not everyone is as lucky.
10. Love is louder.
We live in one crazy world. You. Me. Us. If all the you’s and the me’s start showing love, the world will grow warmer and stronger with kindness and humanity. It’s crucial we begin connecting on a woman to woman level (scratch that- HUMAN TO HUMAN) and destroy living with labels, intolerance, and hatred. We’re all humans who deserve to be treated as such.
TAKEAWAY: We need to start somewhere, and it starts with you. Today, do a random act of love. Smile at someone, buy someone a coffee, give someone a compliment, whatever it means for you.
We know February can seem like a big looming month filled with lots of frustration, and plenty of red hearts, but it shouldn’t be – and it’s up to each of us to turn it around.
It should be just another month, to focus on loving yourself everyday,
Stay tuned for our Top 5 Tips on Dating and How to Be AWESOME at Being Single. Want more tips on love & dating? Sign up for our newsletter here.
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